Alright, New note of the NEW year.

It's the 15th and I'm 15 days late, but here it is:

The fact of the matter is that it's 2010, which means I'm reaching about 2 decades living on this planet and I've probably learned alot in those two decades but nothing I'd for sure use to my advantage. It was more of a live and learn moment.
I've contemplated the many ways to hurt certain people, noticed that I wanted to bust the windows of their car. I wanted to do it to leave my mark, my name with a crowbar - but realized that jail wasn't really the way to go. (thanks to a very awesome song.)

Alright - broken heart, ugly scars, being all worked up over nothing: that's me in a nutshell I believe. I've learned alot from close friends, best friends and some people I don't even really talk to, but regardless, very grateful for the lessons.

In retrospect, I'm kind of glad everything happened. It doesn't show you the world unless you go down a couple levels. Cause of pain : inevitable.

God is one of the many reasons why everyone I love hasn't let me down when I was out during the fight of sanity. Although I know everyone has their own problems, much greater than mine - like Haiti - I don't know what I'm really after, or what he's really after. What sense is it really when you hold on to tears, then hold on to the laughter? I can't really explain much of it..

The toxic was flushed out of my system. The antidote was me, myself and I. (With the help from the bestest friends EVER. lol)

But what if the toxic was the antidote? The toxic that made me uneasy but I was the one who attempted to inject myself with it and refused rehab? What if the toxic wasn't really toxic.. it was the cure to my life?

I see into the very soul of his being realizing it's not the same. It's beautiful, like I remember it, but not the same one I remember. Longing for love and the logical, just waiting for some sort of answer and once I got it, I realized maybe everything I have isn't really what I wanted.

I'm a disaster -
I guess you gotta just let it slide.
Start of the new year.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.