So, it's been awhile since a new post was put up -
haha, I hardly have any time - it actually sucks. But regardless I'll try to make up some of it since lately my head has been bursting with some really good ideas lately.. I think it's the green; like actually. haha.
I guess lately I noticed that things don't actually mean that much as I first thought of it. I mean think about it. When you think about all the good times it's supposed to help you stop crying and stop thinking all negative .. but it does the opposite. I'm pretty sure doing that makes you even more depressed and makes you wanna slit your wrists just thinking about all the good things that AREN'T happening.
I mean being negative is mos. def. not the way I wanna go about things, but I only really have a few things that are pretty consistent with my life and those selected few hardly even know what is really going on in this messed up head I have.
To what extent are you willing to go?
If someone came up to you and offered you that red pil or blue pill like the Matrix, I'm not sure if I'd want to experience the reality of the life I thought I was living. I mean, I'd probably be too scared to see what's on the other side of the certain lie I was living everyday.
Love wise, I know I'm not a princess waiting for some prince charming to come riding on his white horse, ready to pick me up and love me happliy ever after.
I understand the concept of love - Sometimes it's a trial and error, sometimes you win it big, and sometimes it just doesn't happen.
At least you get it and you're moving on.
Good job Risa.
I'm finally getting the hang of this.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Immature actions are so cool. (not)
If every stop I'm taking is a lost cause with no direction - then let it be what it is.
I can't stop emotions from exploding the way they do, I can't change the past just what's infront of me.
Sure, it was a bad break-up. Who hasn't had one of those? The stumbling feeling, the shattered pain, the loss of focus - We've been through this a million times. I always thought and always said we should keep the faith in the love that we shared.
I know it wasI that messed it all up - but I can almost see it, the end of the rainbow, the end of road, the end of all passion, of all the faith that we had become a distant past; a distant memory left for the history books. You are my first of everything.
I was the only girl that you've ever felt this way about. Vice Versa.
The chance you took knocked you down, and it did the same to me as well. I'll remember all I can about us and keep pushing on. We weren't perfect but if I lose, I lose.
The other side was a scary place for the both of us but I honestly think that's where we belong.
I'm sorry.
It's the last sorry I'm gonna ever say to you.
Life isn't about finding yourself, but creating yourself.
I am nothing but sorry.
I can't stop emotions from exploding the way they do, I can't change the past just what's infront of me.
Sure, it was a bad break-up. Who hasn't had one of those? The stumbling feeling, the shattered pain, the loss of focus - We've been through this a million times. I always thought and always said we should keep the faith in the love that we shared.
I know it wasI that messed it all up - but I can almost see it, the end of the rainbow, the end of road, the end of all passion, of all the faith that we had become a distant past; a distant memory left for the history books. You are my first of everything.
I was the only girl that you've ever felt this way about. Vice Versa.
The chance you took knocked you down, and it did the same to me as well. I'll remember all I can about us and keep pushing on. We weren't perfect but if I lose, I lose.
The other side was a scary place for the both of us but I honestly think that's where we belong.
I'm sorry.
It's the last sorry I'm gonna ever say to you.
Life isn't about finding yourself, but creating yourself.
I am nothing but sorry.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Love ain't sunshine and rainbows all the time.
It's called a new start for a reason.
It isn't as easy as everyone says.. but when you get to that point, love is never enough. If you're new at this thing - it's not the best kind of game to play. Luckily you don't have much to worry about. If you aren't a douche, then you're good.
I had the odd feeling like I should run after him, like in the movies, pleading my case - grabbing his ankles and telling him how much I love him and how much this meant to me. Then I shook it off and remembered that he broke up with me and that I messed up and he messed up too. It was the conclusion of a dual partnership of ruining a 3 year long relationship. Love was true the first few years, then you start giving up shit that you shouldn't. Then soon you realize that you start changing yourself, losing yourself in "love" and you think it's the greatest feeling until the one moment they look at you and say "fuck you bitch, I'm outta here. PEACE"
Then the feeling of hurt, pain and all that bad things put together get to you and you feel shambled and unwilling to let go.
Lucky for me, this is the 123128347827346872364872365th time.
I'm good for now.
Post script.
Love ain't nothing but a four letter word.
It isn't as easy as everyone says.. but when you get to that point, love is never enough. If you're new at this thing - it's not the best kind of game to play. Luckily you don't have much to worry about. If you aren't a douche, then you're good.
I had the odd feeling like I should run after him, like in the movies, pleading my case - grabbing his ankles and telling him how much I love him and how much this meant to me. Then I shook it off and remembered that he broke up with me and that I messed up and he messed up too. It was the conclusion of a dual partnership of ruining a 3 year long relationship. Love was true the first few years, then you start giving up shit that you shouldn't. Then soon you realize that you start changing yourself, losing yourself in "love" and you think it's the greatest feeling until the one moment they look at you and say "fuck you bitch, I'm outta here. PEACE"
Then the feeling of hurt, pain and all that bad things put together get to you and you feel shambled and unwilling to let go.
Lucky for me, this is the 123128347827346872364872365th time.
I'm good for now.
Post script.
Love ain't nothing but a four letter word.
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